If Only She Knew
by minnichi
Summary: "There's nothing worse than allowing yourself to hope for love, then realizing that it was never there for you to begin with." A broken heart drives Raven over the edge, and disaster strikes. Robin regrets.
1. Prologue

Hey everyone :) Teen Titans was my all-time favorite show before I discovered Avatar: The Last Airbender :P I haven't written much fanfiction, but I originally intended just to focus on ATLA on this site (if you're also fan, you can go check out my other story xD).

However, I started rewatching Teen Titans over youtube lol, and I remembered just how wonderful of a show it was and how much it completed my childhood :3 I wrote this as a tribute to my favorite pairing - and they've ALWAYS been my favorite even BEFORE Trigon!

This started as a study break that stretched on for about 1 1/2 hours -.- but it was fun :) Hope you enjoy it!

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><p>Raven has always been the strongest out of our team, the most powerful one of all. Try finding someone else in the world who's able to teleport into alternate dimensions, heal, levitate, create force fields, project their soul, lift massive objects with their mind, read <em>your<em> mind, and stop time (and the list stretches further, mind you). Any luck? Didn't think so.

Raven's also the strongest out of our team…mentally. We all look like we're crying over spilled milk when compared to her, when things get tough for us. Really.

Take me, for example. I don't whine. I just get really angry at anyone and anything. Hard as it is for me to admit, my bad moods can cause drama for everyone in Titans Tower. I _want_ to be alone, and I _want_ to keep everyone out of my problems, but let's just say that I don't do a very good job at isolating myself without the entire team accusing me of going insane. Especially when it's related to Slade. Sometimes I think they're right, too.

Then there's Starfire. As innocent and cheerful as she is, sometimes you never know what might suddenly shatter her smile like glass. All you know is that when it _does _happen, she's going to hate herself and do something crazy unless you catch it in time and remind her just how much she means to the team. She's a strong girl, don't get me wrong…but she just needs those reminders every once in a while.

Now Cyborg, on the other hand, _knows_ that he's a pretty awesome guy. Who wouldn't want massive strength and a supersonic cannon built into their arm? Not to mention he has bragging rights for being the greatest genius of technology in the city. Well, Gizmo might be able to rival him – but I don't count villains. Anyway, my half-robot friend is a fun-loving, plain-out awesome guy, like I said. _But_…he didn't always know it. In fact, he's only known it for the past three years or so. Ever since the accident that caused his transformation into Cyborg, he's had to deal with years of ridicule and shunning from everyone else. And there's times when that past comes back to torment him now. Beneath the all the boo-yahs, there's a person who still has doubt in his ability to fit in with the rest of society. Being with our freakish team has definitely helped him, of course, but the doubt's always there.

As for Beast Boy…Well, Beast Boy whines. When the issue is small, he whines until someone gives into what he wants (or quits if they ignore him long enough). When the issue is serious, he doesn't exactly _whine_, but his bad mood still manages to express itself in all sorts of ways. He's the type that can't keep it in. Out of all of us, I think Beast Boy is the fastest to give himself away when he's upset. It's not like we're any less emotional than him, but he's just the kind of guy who has to get rid of whatever's bothering him. Fast. Which is a good thing, really.

Finally…there's Raven. When you put together everything that has ever made everyone else in the entire team upset, it's nothing compared to what she's had to deal with. She grew up being told that one day she'd destroy the world, and she still fought villains alongside us. She was never allowed to express any of her emotions, and that forced her to be more distant than the rest of the team for years – yet, she didn't complain. Half of her existence comes from the incarnation of all evil, Trigon...and she proudly stands with the rest of us as a heroine. No doubts.

And that's exactly why it's impossible to tell when she's about to crack. Raven is the all-time expert at concealing her emotions. She'd had to do it her whole life in order to control her powers, for crying out loud. But even after Trigon was banished from the world and cleansed from her soul, she preferred to keep her negative emotions hidden from the rest of us. Not that she had many negative emotions; after the burden of her father was lifted, she couldn't be any happier. She'd said so herself. Her wonderful friends had been there for her all along, and we'd saved her – _I _saved her. Now that we suddenly had a life to look forward to, she was content spending it with her friends. Being a team forever – being friends forever – that was all she needed.

…Or so we thought. Like I said, she didn't harbor many negative emotions. Just one: loneliness. And not the type with no friends, because she's got the best friends she could ever ask for. It's the type that comes from a force that no one in this world or the next can ever control. Love...it can really be a killer. Loneliness is just another name for Love when it's unrequited. And even Raven wasn't strong enough to overcome it.

It was a slow process, to be sure. So slow that none of us even noticed it. But thinking back on it now, _I_ should've known. Dammit, how could I not _see_ how much we were all torturing her every day? To begin with, Raven could call none of us her best friend. All five of us are technically "best friends," mind you, but you can tell when there are two people who have that extra "BFF" connection that no one else shares. Starfire and I had admitted being BFFs in Tokyo, while Beast Boy and Cyborg had made it obvious from the very beginning. And Raven…was just Raven.

But the real killer is when people progress past that best friend level, and you're the only one left behind. Now that definitely can't apply to Beast Boy and Cyborg, thank God, but they, like Starfire and I, have still experienced something that Raven has never even come close to touching. For us, it's called Love. For her…it's called Loneliness.

Here's the worst part, though. _I _caused her loneliness. You don't really realize that the loneliness is there until there's a special someone that triggers it, after all. I had been oblivious to it all during our battle against Trigon and the Prophecy, because all I ever cared at during that moment was to keep her alive. To protect her, and to show her that life was still worth fighting for. Thinking back, though, it was understandable how the loneliness began. She'd come to me first when Slade showed up with Scath burning on his forehead. She'd let go of me last when she left us to fulfill her terrible destiny. It was my words that finally convinced her to regain hope – and Raven usually never listens to _anyone_ once she's decided that something's impossible. It was me she embraced the moment it was all over.

We'd been so close during those dark hours. But what did I do as soon as everything went back to normal? I hung out with my best friend. In fact, I hung out with the rest of the team more so than her. We'd all assumed that she'd prefer to sit aside and read her books, like always. Or meditate. That's what she did, actually. And she'd watch us and smile to herself.

I'm a moron. It should've been obvious that Raven felt more than just _hope_ while I was protecting her from Trigon. And when it was all over, I pretty much ignored the bond we shared and moved back to our old lifestyle – the lifestyle in which everyone has someone, and Raven has no one. Before Trigon, she'd been able to tough it out. She wasn't allowed to feel such emotions without wrecking the Tower, anyway. She'd been the strong, powerful girl she always was.

Then Trigon came and left. And so did I. It's amazing that Raven was still strong enough to hide her broken heart. For the first time in her life, she'd dared to hope that maybe, just _maybe_, there was someone out there who cared for her. Someone who could be more than a friend. I pretty much stamped out that hope without even realizing it. And she suffered.

There's nothing worse than allowing yourself to hope for love, then realizing that it was never there for you to begin with. Raven, the strongest person I know, couldn't even overcome the pain - and I'd let it happen. She watched me live out my fantasy with Starfire, smiling for us the entire time. She learned to accept that she would always be lonely. She forced herself to acknowledge the truth, that she was simply not special to anyone – not special to _me._ And it became too much for her.

If only she knew.

As my team lies defeated all around me, I can hear their tortured, despairing groans. I'm not in any better shape myself. I can hardly keep my eyes open, and the world around me is flashing in colors that I know don't exist. I want to talk, but the only sound that comes out is a feeble choke. My neck is pinned to the ground beneath a hard, crushing boot. My arms are bruised beyond any hope of resisting, and my lack of air is beginning to blur my vision.

I try my hardest to focus the last of my strength onto the person stepping down on me. Everything's turning dark, aside from a pair of glowing eyes, which are searing white as they stare down at me, emotionless.

And Slade's most prized apprentice finally utters her final farewell to me.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos."

If only she knew.

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><p>Please excuse my writing if you didn't like it, because I was very stressed from studying for finals and just needed to write something on a whim :P<p>

I'm not sure where I'm going with this story, but it might have potential if I try hard enough lol. I'm still absorbed in my Avatar: TLA story, so I'm trying to decide whether this should be a oneshot or a full-blown plot. Maybe in the morning I'll figure out how I feel. God, writing this makes me feel so nostalgic :')

What do you guys think? Continue? Or leave it? I'd love to know!


	2. The First Signs

Sorry I haven't been responding much, but THANK YOU so much for such wonderful feedback after the last chapter! Totally didn't expect that since I was writing only half-consciously :P

As you can see, I've decided to continue this story :D I thought about what to do for the plot, and I think I have a good idea now ^^ I know that some of you reviewers were waiting for this, and I'm sorry it took so long.

I hope this is to your liking. Enjoy!

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><p>At a glance, you'd think that Raven's plight began when I completely abandoned her after the reign of Trigon ended. It took me a long time to realize that the wounds had already begun to settle in her heart much, <em>much<em> sooner. But really, all it took was a few minutes of brainstorming to figure out - which only shows how little I thought about Raven back then.

We all knew that her heart had already been broken once because of Malchior. However, he was a dragon pretending to be a guy in order to get himself out of a book; that's not quite the same as an actual guy who just doesn't love you. I was aware of this, and because of that I assumed that she would recover. Fake guy-dragons don't count in love, after all. I was right, actually, but I didn't stop to think about the sad irony of the situation. Fake guy-dragons don't count, but they can tell you a lot about your love life – or how you've never _had_ a love life. Malchior left Raven with a painful message: the closest thing she'd ever felt to love came from a deceitful monster.

But that was okay, Raven thought. She was destined to destroy the world, anyway. What good would any romantic relationships do when she'd end up killing her boyfriend in a few years? Furthermore, her emotions were still tethered down by her inner demonic spirit. They were still pointless, annoying things.

Yet, she couldn't help feeling a slight ache when Starfire and I had that whole argument about the meaning of having a girlfriend.

"Let's go. Unless you want to stay here goofin' around with your _girlfrienddd._" Cyborg teased, grinning deviously.

That was one of the worst moments of my life. There I was, standing in front of my crush like an idiot after my shameless teammate decided to yell out _the word_ in front of everyone. I wasn't sure what I felt at that moment. It was like embarrassment had grown a hand and squeezed every blood vessel in my heart. It was overwhelming and humiliating. I wasn't ready to address my feelings about Starfire, and the only sounds that came out of me were a bunch of wheezes.

I remember that both Cyborg and Beastboy seemed to have expected that kind of response, and that they both had the same evil smirk on their faces. I also remember that Raven was the only one who wasn't smiling. I would have shrugged it off, seeing as she usually never smiles anyway, but for some reason her lips seemed more downturned than usual this time. Her face wasn't just indifferent; it was _sullen_. But of course, I quickly forgot about that strange little detail. I was too busy dealing with my unforgiveable humiliation, after all. "She's _not_ my girlfriend!" was the only response I could yell back.

Raven didn't think of me in _that_ way when this all happened, but she was still a little upset to see two people agonizing over their confused feelings for each other. She might've considered our bickering pointless, since she had so much worse a burden on heir shoulders at the time. She had to fight her destiny of becoming the all-time evil bringer of death, and in her opinion, Starfire and I probably had no reason to fight in the first place. I liked Starfire, and Starfire liked me; it was so simple, and it wasn't like we had demonic parents getting in the way of our feelings or anything.

_Or_…Raven might have been upset to see that even an alien was capable of being loved – by an actual guy. She knew that she was supposed to be evil, but no one else knew, did they? What was stopping all the guys on Earth from feeling anything special for her? I now understand that her sullen face was one of confusion. It was at that moment that she started forming the worst conclusions about herself. And I, like always, unknowingly helped her to it.

_But wait._

"Raven, what's wrong?"

"_I just don't like parties._"

"It's more than that. I can tell. We have a bond, remember? You've been inside my mind. Let me inside yours."

I can only imagine how she felt at that moment. _Robin remembers that incident? He thinks we have a…bond?_ Her thoughts probably went something like that. Suddenly, she was being more open with me than she'd ever been since we met. There was still a bit of hesitation in her voice, though. "Robin, you know me better than anyone. You should know that there are places in my mind that you can't go – where no one should _ever_ go."

To her surprise, I only pushed further. "I'm willing to try if you'll –"

"I can't," she interrupted, turning away.

"Tell me what's going on," I continued stubbornly.

O/O

Whatever Raven felt during that deep conversation only grew stronger as her dark destiny drew closer. The more she struggled, the more I strived to protect her. I went greater lengths than anyone else in the team to save her. I teamed up with the man that haunts my dreams, whom I hate with a passion, on the off-chance that she _might_ be alive. I dived towards a pit of lava in order to catch her, without planning how I'd get out first.

Why did I do that, exactly? At the time, I probably would have answered, "Because she's my very good friend. Uh…yeahhh…"

I did it because she's my _cherished_ friend. I did it because she's someone who can give me hope even when the world's burning around us. I did it because she's someone I'm willing to risk everything to save – someone who I'm willing to die for.

Now if only that was so easy to say back then…

"Raven…" Starfire stared at our white-cloaked friend in awe. "That was…"

"_Unbelievable,_" Cyborg finished for her.

The world had just been rid of Trigon in a matter of seconds, all by the hands of a single girl. She turned to me, smiling. "No, it wasn't. _Somebody believed._"

All at once, she'd thrown her arms around my neck. It was the last thing I'd expected to happen. The feel of her against me was so new and strange, however, that I was a little shocked for a second. Finally, I placed a hand around her, feeling the back of her lavender hair. "Welcome back."

I never even hugged her back. Not fully. I'd almost lost her forever to the depths of hell, and all I could say was "Welcome back." Even if my feelings for her were kind of dormant at the time, that was still pretty harsh. I didn't even tell her that I missed her, or that I was so happy she was alive.

She noticed this, of course, and quickly let go. Being too happy that the world wasn't destroyed, however, it didn't seem to matter much.

And then she approached me again at the Tower.

"After everything that happened…after everything I did…how did you still manage to hope that it could all work out?"

"Because of _you_." That was probably the best thing she'd ever heard in her life. "You don't realize it, Raven, but you're actually the most hopeful person I've ever met. From the day you were born, they said you were evil, that you were created to do unspeakable things. But you wished for more."

She looked up at the word 'more.'

"You dared to hope that you could be a hero," I continued plainly.

That must have been an "Oh" moment for Raven, but she still couldn't get a strange new idea off her mind. I'd just admitted that I never gave up on the world because of _her_, and her alone. "I thought it was all over," she said softly. "But now…suddenly…"

"You have your whole life ahead of you," I finished cheerily. "You can decide your own destiny."

Raven smiled at me in such a strange way. "I guess…in the end, there really is no end." Her eyes looked away mysteriously. "Just…new beginnings."

I didn't have any time to think about what she meant, because she suddenly turned to the rest of our teammates. "So what's the deal? Are we having a party in here or not?"

The first thought that occurred to me was _'Wow, she's REALLY happy.'_ I naturally assumed that it was because her demonic father was gone for good, because everyone was still alive. Oblivious me…

As soon as Raven and I ran down to join everyone else, Starfire flew to my side. Her smile was just what I needed after so many hours of hell and a skeleton-faced Slade.

I remember that Raven looked at me for a long, long moment as I laughed and shared soda with my Tamaranian friend. She gave me a small, understanding smile. I thought it was a smile that understood that she was free to feel emotions as she pleased, or that she was forever grateful to me for saving her. It was a smile that understood how absolutely nothing had changed between me and her. It was Raven's way of showing that she would forever support whatever I did from then on…even if she wasn't by my side.

And so it began.


	3. Comfort in a Blizzard

Thank you soooo so much for all the wonderful support I've been getting! It's just...omg you make me the happiest ^^ To be honest, I was a little lost about the plot for a while, but now that I've gotten a lead on something, it's becoming a really exciting process :D and I'm just SO glad that there are other people who enjoy it too.

As you can see, I like doing the actual-episode-in-plot thing :P But I think it'll only go on for a few chapters. The true and original story will come soon ;)

Oh, and a note to Latezz123: I'm going to give you credit for giving me the notion of changing the first chapter's name to "Prologue" :P Thanks! When you pointed it out, I wondered why I never thought of it before xP Also, kudos for starting a fanfiction...tis an exciting process :D Best of luck to you!

Hope you enjoy this chapter :) I worked hard!

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><p>Another part of Raven's heart was lost in the winter. Almost literally, actually.<p>

The snow whipped across my face, though my skin was already too numb from the cold to feel any of its flakes. They were concentrated in the brutal wind, which howled loudly as the team and I faced one of our most dangerous enemies. Though I could hardly see the world around me in the midst of the blizzard, the creature shone brightly, its plasma-like body radiating red and white. It stood on two legs and had arms like a human, but its entire body seemed to be composed of a bright, globular substance that darkened where the face should have been.

Cyborg stood next to me while examining his forearm, his blue scarf flapping in the stinging wind. "We can't touch that thing!" he yelled.

"We'll just have to keep trying!" I yelled back, a flurry of snowflakes blowing into my mouth the moment it opened. "We need to surround it!" Our opponent was a weird one, for sure. I had no idea how to tackle it without being shot with one of its deathly red beams. But then again, since when were our opponents ever normal? The best chance we had now was to corner it from all angles, and –

"_No, _Robin! We really can't touch it!" Cyborg repeated with alarm. "I'm picking up radiation levels that are off the scales!"

Before he could say anything else, the glowing creature suddenly threw out its chest, firing a massive radioactive wave straight at both of us. We had no time to react, and the lethal substance seemed to engulf everything around me at once…

There was a sudden flash of bright red, and suddenly the beam seemed to explode, dispersing in all directions. I looked back up as its glow faded away. Starfire was standing in front of me and Cyborg, having taken the shot in full. Her palms were rigidly outstretched, glowing bright green. "Radiation cannot harm _me_," she declared, glaring after the creature.

As soon as she spoke, the radioactive human-thing suddenly turned its back and began to retreat. Before I could even thank her, Starfire's feet left the ground, her eyes locked on the enemy. At once, her body soared through the air, and her figure became no more than a flash of red and purple in the distance.

"Starfire! _Wait!_" I cried, reaching out towards her as she disappeared into the flood of snowflakes. All at once, my mind began to race as panic shot through my veins. My eyes scanned through the blizzard desperately with no avail. Without thinking, I began to sprint in the direction that the Tamaranean had gone.

A gentle hand suddenly came down on my shoulder before I'd taken two steps. I whirled around to face two violet eyes, which were close enough to see even under the dark blue hood shadowing them. "You can't just run head-on after her like that," Raven stated simply. "In case you didn't notice, your face's turning a little blue."

I scowled, turning my head to stare off in Starfire's direction once more. "I can't let her face that thing by herself! I have to –"

"I know it's hard to leave her on her own," Raven interrupted, looking hard into my eyes, "but she's the one with immunity to radiation and tolerance for cold temperatures, not us. We have a better chance of finding her if we just take a few moments to plan it out. Now come on."

I sighed as she gave my sleeve a few tugs, but I eventually let her lead me back to our broken T-Ship. Our mode of transportation lay half-buried in the snow, with one of its fried engines sticking out. I sat down upon a mound of snow beneath its tail, which hung high over our heads and blocked most of the wind. Cyborg and Beast Boy were already standing here, trying to keep themselves warm. The latter was shivering more than the rest of us, pulling the furry hat that Starfire had given him lower on his head. "D-Dude…" he whined to Cyborg, "Why c-can't we go in the T-Ship?"

"I told you already, that thing took out our engine, and the whole electrical system's down – that includes the heater," Cyborg replied, sighing. "Won't do you any good to climb back in there now. Besides, we've got Starfire to worry about."

At the mention of her name, I immediately stood up again. Plan or not, I was going after her. There was no way that anyone – not even a radiation-proof alien – could possibly get through this blizzard without help. "I'm going after her," I declared.

Once again, I found myself facing Raven. She stood before me with a palm held out towards me, almost as if she were some sort of cop. "_You can't survive out there,_" she said firmly. Beneath her hood, there was a pale face filled to the brim with a both determination and anxiety. A funny combination…I could've sworn that Starfire once looked at me the same way when she stopped me from jumping off Titans Tower (I was trying to see if my new glider cape actually worked).

Cyborg spoke up before I could say anything back. "Raven's right, Robin. The temperature's dropping fast. We have to find some shelter."

The frustration hampered my logic, as usual. "She's lost!" I shouted, feeling as if no one else seemed to know already. "She needs our help!"

"I know…" was all that Cyborg could reply. His voice grew quiet as the rest of the team looked down. The snow was blowing too hard, and all we could do was wait.

O/O

Time dragged by. The snow had formed a dome around us, thanks to Raven. We'd all sat in one of her shadowy force fields, letting the snowflakes cover it. When enough of them had fallen to form a thick layer, she'd released the field and concentrated the snow into ice before it could fall on us. We were now hiding out in a makeshift igloo, insulated from the cold outside. Our source of light came from one of Cyborg's shoulder flashlights.

"This is actually kind of…cozy!" Beast Boy remarked, who was sitting cross-legged on the snowy ground. "Although I wish I had something to sit on so that my butt wouldn't feel so cold right now…"

"Cozy or not, we have to get out of here as soon as possible," I grumbled. "Every minute Starfire's out there could put her in greater danger. She might be immune to radiation, but the creature could knock her out with one of its blasts, and she could be buried in the snow as we speak, and –"

"Robin, she wouldn't want you to worry this much," Raven said softly, who was sitting atop her cape. Her hood was down, and the glow of Cyborg's little flashlight reflected in her violet eyes. The side of her mouth curved slightly upwards into a sly smile. "Although she _would _be happy to see that you're thinking so much about her. Chances are she's out there thinking about you too. If anything, she's worried that _you_ can't handle yourself in the blizzard. When we meet her again, she'll probably laugh when she sees your face."

Despite everything, I cracked a smile. "My _face?_ You trying to imply something?"

Raven scoffed, the subtle smile still on her lips. "Imply? Last time I checked, blueberry faces weren't attractive on Earth."

"Hey now!" I chuckled, forgetting my frustration for a moment. "I don't like to mention the Teen Titans' fans, but I'll have to point out that there's _manyyy_ girls out there who wouldn't care if –"

"And yet, you _still _mention the fans anyway," Raven rolled her eyes in mock annoyance. "I never thought you'd stoop down to that level, Robin. Now Beast Boy, I could understand, but –"

"_Hey!_" shouted our green friend. "That was an insult, wasn't it?"

"Not an insult, BB." Cyborg grinned. "You get in way over your head with those fangirls. Which is funny, since you seem to have the least."

Soon enough, Raven and I were enjoying watching Cyborg and Beast Boy engage in another one of their meaningless arguments – or least, _I _was. And I think that's what Raven was going for in the first place. "Thanks, Raven." I smiled at her, feeling much calmer than before. The air within our little hut felt lighter as the laughter from our teammates began grew louder.

Raven quickly nodded back at me without saying a word, her lavender hair bobbing about her face. Though her mouth was still barely smiling, her eyes were beaming…wait, Raven doesn't "beam" at people. Strange…Well, it was just the glare from Cyborg's flashlight, I concluded.

After a few more minutes, we all stopped to listen to the storm outside. The noise seemed to have quieted down a considerable amount. I immediately stood up again. "Do you think it's alright to start searching for her?" I asked. Now that I was actually calm enough to think straight, I actually _asked _everyone instead of spitting it out like an order.

Raven stood up with me. "It sounds like the wind's still strong, but we should be able to endure it now. We should take this chance to find Starfire."

Cyborg and Beast Boy soon joined us, nodding in agreement. Without being told, Beast Boy transformed into a polar bear and began clawing at the wall, plowing through the snow.

In no time, we were all standing outside the makeshift igloo. The T-Ship was almost completely covered in snow now, but the night sky looked a little clearer than earlier. I looked around at the endless sea of white surrounding us. Starfire could be anywhere out there, and for all we knew she might've been buried somewhere beneath our feet…the panic began make its way throughout my body, and it felt even colder than the wind blowing against my face.

Raven seemed to notice. "She'll be fine, Robin," she reassured me. "Starfire knows how to take care of herself." Her hood was up again, and her dark cloak was wrapped around her body as it blew in the wind, its furry white edging matching the snow.

"That doesn't mean I can't worry," I replied dismissively, turning sharply to Cyborg. "Tell me you found something!"

"I have," Cyborg responded, examining his forearm again, "but it's not Starfire. I'm picking up a massive radiation source. Might be why we can't locate her communicator."

"Take us there," I commanded.

O/O

We eventually found ourselves standing behind the large metal doors of a strange facility. It slid open loudly, and the first face that greeted us had big, smiling green eyes.

Starfire gasped loudly as soon as she recognized us. The relief spilled over me as she flew forward and hugged me tightly. "My friends!" she exclaimed. "How happy I am to see you!"

Raven suddenly floated past us, keeping her head low as she turned to a man behind Starfire that I hadn't noticed before. He was dressed in a formal green uniform and goggles, and the front of his shirt and square-shaped hat displayed red stars. "Ever think about a doorbell?" Raven asked him, her voice more monotone than ever. She continued to float away deeper into the room as the rest of us followed.

O/O

"I am not like you, Starfire," the soldier named Red Star said to her sadly. We'd barely gotten to know him before the radioactive monster suddenly attacked the base. We were now standing in the ruins of his chemical waste storage room, where it had raided his supply. The room was pilled with giant glass tubes of the waste, which Red Star had to release whenever his powers got out of control. He was cursed with an experiment that led him to be unstable, releasing radioactive explosions out of his will. He'd saved Starfire by bringing her to the base in which he isolated himself from the rest of society. "Mine is a power I cannot keep inside," he continued.

"Then do not," Starfire replied firmly, lifting her hand. A starbolt began to glow within her palm, illuminating the air. "The greater the struggle against your power, the more it resists." She demonstrated by making a fist around the bolt, which only glowed brighter and struggled to break free from her fingers. "Embrace what you have inside." She opened her hand again, and the bolt resumed its natural, spherical shape. "Let it become you, and you will find what you are meant to be."

The effect was instantaneous. Red Star looked back at us, his face filled with a new determination. "I will join you."

Beast Boy, of course, was the first to complain about the weather. "Does anyone know how we're gonna chase that thing through all this snow? Because I could tell you right now, I am _not_ pulling a sled."

Red Star smiled. "You will have no need to. Come with me."

As we followed him, Starfire remained at his side, thanking him for his willingness to help and reassuring him of his abilities. I couldn't help but feel a little on edge as he smiled down at her, his blank green eyes looking more cheerful every second.

"Say…" I turned to Raven, who was walking beside me. "Wouldn't you think that Red Star seems to, uh, be pretty fond of Starfire? Just saying. You know." She was the only person in our team that I would ever dare to mention such things to. If I'd voiced my opinions about Red Star to any of the guys, I knew that I would ridiculed for life. Even worse, they would probably use _the word_ on me again. Raven, however, usually offered her honest thoughts about anything I asked, never questioning what I said or trying to pry anything out of me. She was always the person I'd feel okay telling embarrassing things.

To my relief, she didn't fail me this time, either. "Hmmm…" Raven examined the pair ahead of us for a moment. "Well, she's certainly made him feel more confident about himself."

"Yeah, I know," I quickly replied. "But don't you think that he's…you know…getting to be kind of close to her? As a friend, I mean."

Raven looked up at me, and her eyes told me that she already knew what was going through my head. "Maybe. Seems like he's starting to get there. But we really can't be sure about these things, Robin…" She watched as my mask narrowed and how I began to walk a little more stiffly than before. "Honestly, though, I don't think Starfire notices it." She paused for a moment. "You know that there's a lot of people out there who'd die to be close to her, Robin. But her team will always be first in her heart. I can't believe I have to remind you."

I smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess so. I don't know, it just seemed kind of funny to see – you know what, never mind. Thanks, Raven."

"No problem." She smiled back, though it was hard to tell that it was directed at me since she was looking straight ahead.

O/O

Our team watched as Starfire returned to us, floating down from the heavens. The stars were speckled across the night sky, visible for the first time after so many hours of blizzards. One star stood out from the rest, huge and glowing bright red. Starfire looked up at it with a sad smile.

"You did a good thing, Starfire," I told her, "Helping him." Red Star was no longer with us. He was now a part of the sky, being admired as a hero by the village that once scorned and banished him.

Starfire was visibly sad, but her face brightened a little as she looked back at me. "I believe that he will return our kindness…someday." Despite her encouraging words, however, the tears began to form, threatening to leak from her eyes.

"It'll be okay, Starfire," I said, trying my best to sound confident. "Red Star won't be gone for long." I walked over to her, placing a tender hand on her shoulder. She responded immediately, wrapping her arms tightly around me. I soon did the same, and we embraced silently for several peaceful seconds.

Throughout all this, Raven's eyes remained glued to the sky, gazing wistfully at the stars above.


	4. A Babysitter's Secrets

Hey again! I've gotta say, it's truly been a blast working on this story ^^ And reading all of your overwhelmingly nice comments are seriously making me blush!

I hope this chapter is also to your liking, because now is when my real plot really begins ;) There's going to be more actual episode analysis here! But I'm hoping I can lay off of it after the next two chapters or so. Background information like the episodes is really fun to work with...but in the end, the real fun is in creating your own pure story ^^ So look forward to that!

Here we goooo.

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><p>I remember the first time I thought of Raven as someone who could make a good partner – a <em>special <em>partner, you know what I mean…just not mine. Not then.

That was also the first time her powers stopped obeying her since the fall of Trigon.

…

It was early sunset, and the sky was so yellow that the sun appeared white in comparison. I wasn't in any condition to pay attention to this, though.

"Beast Boy!" I yelled. "My communicator's ringing! Answer it for me!" The little tune beeped from my pocket as I narrowly dodged a huge, metal arm. The ground shook violently as the iron monster trampled after me.

It was another one of the Brotherhood of Evil's giant robot minions, sent to destroy young superheroes. The organization consisted of almost every villain we'd ever faced and aimed to annihilate those with supernatural abilities before they could become potential threats. Beastboy and I had found this robot in a canyon, stopping it before it could reach its intended target – and Raven happened to call me in the middle of our battle.

The Teen Titans theme continued to buzz endlessly from my communicator as I flipped and dived away from my enemy, who had now begun to shoot red lasers from its arms. Beast Boy, now a T-Rex, suddenly came up from behind and lifted the minion into his jaws as I jumped back to my feet. He bit down hard, but the metal was resilient. In addition, the robot began shooting its lasers into his mouth. The great T-Rex's eyes soon became watery from the pain, and he spat out the metal monster, causing it to skid against the rocky ground.

Beast Boy retreated back some 15 feet before returning to his human form, and he tenderly rubbed his tooth. "_Owww…" _he groaned as the robot stood back up and began to fire at me again, "What is that thing made of?"

"Never mind that!" I shouted as I ducked away from a laser beam, which had come so close to me that I could feel its heat. "My communicator! Answer it!" It was still ringing.

Before Beast Boy could reply, I whipped the circular device out of my pocket, hurling it towards him as the robot threw its arms towards me. I jumped away before it could trap me within its grasp, however, barely having enough time to glance back at Beast Boy. He'd caught the communicator and appeared to be grinning at it.

"Robin's communicator," said the changeling, in an obnoxious tone that I knew was meant only for Raven. I couldn't hear much from the distance as I continued to dodge the rampaging robot, but it seemed like he said something along the lines of "Um, he's busy right now…"

Dashing behind the metal monster as it fired some more lasers, I grabbed my bo-staff from another pocket. As soon as the steel rod elongated, I leapt into the air, kicking off of one of the robot's arms to lift myself higher. When I was close enough to see its face, I whacked the enemy square in the head. The clang of metal echoed loudly throughout the canyon. The robot reeled backwards, partially disoriented by the blow. This was my chance to strike.

Right as I pulled out a disc grenade, however, the sound of Beast Boy's carefree voice diverted my attention. "HEY ROBIN! Raven says she doesn't want to look after those kids!"

"_What?" _I yelled back as the robot regained focus and grabbed hold of my staff, yanking it from my hands. Scowling, I threw the disc grenade towards the arm that had taken my weapon. As it exploded, the robot's fingers loosened their grip, and the staff clattered back to the ground.

"_Raven told me to tell you she doesn't babysit!_" Beast Boy yelled even louder as I snatched my staff swiftly from the ground.

I groaned loudly out of my irritation. "TELL HER SHE HAS TO!" I barely had time to finish my sentence as the robot began to fire missiles from its back. The bullets cracked open the ground all around me as the deafening explosions filled the air. I was narrowly escaping instant death, and Raven wanted to call me to complain about _babysitting? _

"Robin says you have to," Beastboy replied simply to Raven. He was still standing a good 15 to 20 feet away. He finally stopped chatting when the robot decided to fire a missile in his direction. Making a sound similar to "Doh!," he finally closed my communicator and rejoined the battle.

O/O

Beast Boy and I sat down upon some boulders, trying catching our breaths while examining the ruins of the robot in front of us. We'd finally managed to pin the thing down after I'd disabled its limbs after attaching disc grenades on all of them. Beast Boy was the one who ended up tearing off its head, in the form of a grizzly bear.

"Aw, shoot…" I finally realized that a small piece of shrapnel was wedged in my forearm. I winced as I pulled it out, and blood began seeping from the wound.

"Dude Robin, are you okay?" Beast Boy watched me worriedly, his eyes wide as I pulled out a pocket first-aid kit.

"I'm alright. It's just a little wound," I replied casually, cleaning off the area with a small sterile cloth. As I began to unroll some bandages, I added, "Can you go see where the next target is?"

I'd logged the areas where the Brotherhood of Evil had sent their minions to attack in my communicator. After handing it over to Beast Boy, I continued to tend to my injury as he read through the notes. "Uhhh, the closest one is about 180 miles from here. We can actually stay in the same country for a change," he replied.

"And how many enemies are there supposed to be this time?"

"3. Or maybe 4…I think." Beast Boy squinted at the small screen for a better look.

"_3 or 4?_" I repeated in alarm. "If they're all going to be like this one…" I motioned towards the dead robot ahead. "We'll need backup. Call Raven. She should be done taking the kids to the temple by now."

"Okay!" Beast Boy responded cheerily. He'd probably gotten bored of being stuck around me this mission. Though I didn't think much about it, it's not like I was trying to be boring on purpose…It's just that I don't really pay attention when he's telling jokes.

The communicator beeped, indicating that a successful connection had been made. I glanced over while wrapping the bandages around my arm. Raven's face had appeared on the screen, her bright eyes looking _very _surprisingly…cheerful. "Raven, is everyone safe?" Beast Boy asked her.

"Yeah, we're all fine," she replied, smiling. I raised an eyebrow.

"Good!" Beast Boy grinned. "'Cause Robin needs you right away for another mission!"

Raven's face was suddenly twisted with worry. "I can't. I've gotta watch the kids!"

Beast Boy and I stared at each other as my communicator began to pick up a conversion between her and the children she'd just escorted. "Raven, it's okay!" said a young, innocent voice. "You can go. Your friends need you."

Raven seemed to forget that her communicator was still on. She was still holding it, but the camera was focused on some random patch in the ground. "But what if the Brotherhood of Evil comes back?" she asked, with almost motherly concern. "I can't just leave you kids all alone!"

"_Dude…" _Beast Boy whispered to me before losing himself in a fit of snickers. "I'll never let her live this down!"

For some reason, I'd already gotten over the shock. I was actually smiling to myself as I listened. "We're not alone!" the childish voice replied again. "Bobby's here. And we've got each other."

"And you've got me." With that last sentence, Raven finally closed her communicator, disconnecting it. She'd probably just given it to the kids to keep.

Beast Boy was slapping his knee with a hand by now. "Oh, man! I didn't see _that_ coming. And she said she doesn't do babysitting."

I simply smiled smugly as I finished securing my bandages. "Told ya I wasn't crazy for assigning her that mission," I remarked.

"Really?" Beast Boy asked incredulously. "I thought _she_ was going to kill the kids before the Brotherhood of Evil does!"

"Nah, she'd never hate them _that _much." I took my communicator back, wiping off the screen before putting it away. "I told her to look after them for a reason. Aside from the fact that she can make force fields more powerful than our whole team, she'll protect anyone who needs it. She says she's not a people person, but I know it means a lot to her when they care." Beast Boy began to watch me curiously. "The kids were probably annoying, but they liked her sincerely," I continued casually. "So she liked them back. She's honestly a kind person, if you think about it."

"Not to _me!_" Beast Boy piped in, frowning. "She insults me all the time! I thought it'd be even worse with kids! How come she's nice to _them?_" He suddenly paused. "And how come she's always nice to _you?_"

I was taken aback for a moment. Quickly composing myself, however, I logically replied, "You know she cares about all of us, Beast Boy. It's just that no one else in the team tries to annoy her like you."

"Humph." Beast Boy leaned over on an elbow, his face still frowning a little.

O/O

It was late night when Raven finally appeared to us in a flurry of dark energy. Since she'd teleported, she appeared to materialize out of thin air and nearly scared us to death.

"Dude!" Beast Boy yelled, jumping back. "A little warning next time?"

"Get used to it already," Raven sighed, rolling her eyes as she pulled back her hood. She turned to me. "So what's the mission?"

"We're just going to take down some more Brotherhood minions," I answered.

Before I could say another word, Raven pointed sharply at my arm, which stood out because of its thick white bandages. "What happened?"

"Oh, I just got hit by some shrapnel a while ago, and…"

She was already standing right in front of me. "Here, let me see it." She gently lifted my arm and cut open the bandages in a single stroke of dark energy.

I could only watch awkwardly as Raven stared intently at my injured arm, hovering a palm over it. Hazy white energy soon engulfed her hand and began to spread over the wound. It felt cool and soothing, and the brightness seemed to illuminate her amethyst eyes. Seeing her face so close, so concerned, so focused…it suddenly made me realize what a caring personality she truly had. Well – I always_ knew_ she cared, don't get me wrong. But it somehow felt deeper during that moment.

When Raven withdrew her hand, the wound wasn't completely healed, but it had been reduced to more of a large paper cut. "Wow," I remarked, turning my forearm back and forth. "Thanks!"

Raven began to smile, opening her mouth to speak, but Beast Boy beat her to it. "What about _me?_" he declared, throwing his arms up.

She turned sharply to him, narrowing her eyebrows. "How am I supposed to heal you if there's nothing to heal?"

"There is too!" insisted the changeling, pointing to one of his canine teeth. "My favorite tooth's been aching really bad ever since I tried to bite that robot thing, and I think it's starting to become loose! Do you have _any_ idea how bad I'd look if I lost this tooth?"

Raven rolled her eyes again, sighing loudly as she strode over to Beast Boy. She practically slapped a hand over his mouth as the white energy returned. She quickly took it off after a few seconds, wiping it on the fabric of her cloak. "There. All better." Her expression was completely different than before. Full of skepticism, irritation…well, it looked the way she usually looks at Beast Boy.

"Thank you, Raven!" Beast Boy grinned widely to show off his cured teeth.

"Whatever…" she muttered back.

He ignored her cold remarks, as usual. "Man, I'm hungry. Now I can finally eat again! Want one of my tofu burgers, Raven?" he asked, turning towards our T-ship in the distance.

"I think I'll pass…" she replied dully, also as usual.

Raven and I remained standing behind. After a few seconds though, I quickly remembered our mission. "We should probably head back to the ship too. We have to beat the Brotherhood of Evil to the next target," I declared. She nodded as we began to follow our green friend, trailing several feet behind him.

I couldn't it back any longer. "Sooo…" I began. She looked up at me. "I see you've grown pretty close to the kids?"

Raven's cheeks flushed the slightest hint of pink as she quickly lowered her face. "You heard that?" she asked softly. She relaxed a little when she noticed me smiling, however. "Well…yeah, I guess I kind of do like them."

"There's nothing wrong with that!" I stated simply, watching Beast Boy hop into the T-Ship in the distance. "It's good that you care a lot about them. You can heal and take care of people, and protect them too. You'd do great if you had your own family."

Both of us were shocked when we realized what I'd just said. "F-family…?" Raven stuttered, her eyes slightly widening. "Why would I have one of those?"

I stopped wishing that I hadn't brought up the topic for a moment. Why did Raven look so bewildered? "Isn't that what most people want?" I asked, my face turning puzzled. "To find someone special and have a family?" I thought for a moment, not noticing how Raven was trying so hard to hide her face from me. "Or at least, most people want to find someone to settle down with. You told me once that you thought you felt that way…when you met Malchior…so I thought…" I slapped myself hard in the forehead when she suddenly stared at the ground. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up."

Raven quickly shook her head. "No, it's nothing. I just…didn't think I'd actually…with someone..." A strange shadow suddenly came over her eyes.

Her response confused me. I knew that she would only talk to _me_ about these things since I usually understood her…but even I was lost this time. "With someone?" I asked casually. "What do you mean? You've never thought about being with someone? You'd…" _You'd make a good partner._ I stopped myself from saying it out loud. I had no idea why I was even talking to Raven of all people about these things. Maybe it was because there was really no one else to talk to at the moment. Maybe it was the way she'd looked at me so tenderly while healing my arm. Maybe it was because I couldn't figure out why she suddenly looked so…somber.

"No. There's no reason to think about that," Raven dismissed, still staring at the ground as we reached the T-ship. "Not for me. Not going to happen." She stepped ahead of me and opened the door before I could question her again. She then turned to me one last time, her face looking more indifferent than ever. "Robin, this is awkward. Go back to hating on the Brotherhood of Evil."

I would've laughed and agreed, had the door Raven was holding onto not suddenly become engulfed with dark energy. Confused at my alarmed expression, she didn't realize what was happening until she turned back around. She gave a small, shocked gasp as she jumped backwards, watching in horror as the glass crackled beneath her own power. I instinctively started asking Raven what on earth she was doing, but it was clear that she had no idea either. She could only continue to watch in terror, her hands shaking as the black energy tore the door straight off the ship. It continued to break apart and further distort itself on the ground, and by the time the energy finally faded away, the door was nothing but a giant pile of debris.

"Raven…?" I asked cautiously. She didn't seem to hear me, staring instead at the ruined door as if it were alive. Her eyes were panicked, and her breathing was uneven and shallow.

Beast Boy came running out from inside the ship, a half-eaten tofu burger still in his hand. "DUDE!" He yelled. "What was that? Did the Brotherhood of Evil find us?"

Raven couldn't find any words to reply. I knew it was better to keep Beast Boy calm in this sort of situation. "Uh – yeah, it turns out they planted some kind of complicated tracking device inside that door," I told him. "Raven just took care of it, though." After thinking about it for a split second, I quickly added, "It was hard too hard to pry it off the door, so she just destroyed the whole thing."

"Wow." Beast Boy stared at the hunk of glass and metal on the ground. "I can't believe they even managed to get to our T-ship. They just don't stop at anything, do they?" He shook his head.

"Yeah, I can't believe it either…" I carefully watched Raven as I spoke, who had pulled her hood down far over her eyes. "Well, we're just going to have to fly without that door. Raven can use Starfire's compartment for now. We still need to continue our mission. Let's go."

Beast Boy agreed without protest, his anger at the Brotherhood of Evil having been provoked again. I waited until he had disappeared back inside the ship, then slowly approached Raven again. Her back was turned to me, but she heard me coming. "Robin…I don't know what…I…how…?" She stared down at her hands.

"Raven. It's okay," I reassured her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "We've all been pretty stressed about this whole Brotherhood of Evil thing, and you've probably had less time to meditate – especially with those kids around. You should rest. Beast Boy and I can steer the ship."

She still looked frightened, but her face became hardened with furious determination. "It won't happen again." With that, she stepped into Starfire's compartment and immediately crossed her legs, closing her eyes as her thumbs and index fingers made rings. "_Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…_"

Raven meditated the whole trip to our next mission. And as she promised, her powers stayed put.

…For a while.


	5. The Most Annoying Enemy

*looks back at the last time she updated* SORRY GUYSSS! I've been dealing with school craziness so much that I didn't realize how much time has passed since the last chapter o_O I haven't ditched this story! Thank you all so much for supporting it even while I was gone.

This chapter took much effort to write x_X Yes, it starts off in the middle of an actual episode again heheh, but things are starting to head MY WAY! Which is both fun and challenging at the same time. asdfjadjflkadf I've run out of things to say xD

Without further ado, I'll let you read the chapter now :) Sorry again for the delay.

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><p>You know what feels the worst? The moment you realize that a person you hate (and who hates you back) happens to know your closest companions better than you do. Or in this case…just one companion.<p>

There are really no words to describe that horrible feeling. All of your faults as a friend suddenly throw themselves in your face, like a pile of bricks. Even as you're writhing in pain though, you ironically wish that the bricks had come sooner. Maybe then, you could've proved your worth as a friend before everything was lost. Maybe then, you wouldn't feel so damn useless as your unfortunate companion becomes manipulated and twisted into someone you no longer recognize.

Of course, though, the realization doesn't start with the bricks. It starts with confusion. Then anger. Lots of anger.

…

Cyborg stood atop a pile of rubble, inspecting a nonresponsive red monitor on his forearm. We'd barely had time to make ourselves at home in Jump City before (what a surprise) a berserk creature came out of nowhere and decided to try killing everyone. Of course, compared to the Brotherhood of Evil that we'd just kicked into place, the enemy couldn't be too hard to bring down this time.

…It was still pretty annoying, though.

"I don't know what to scan for!" Cyborg frowned at his monitor. "Brick, metal, concrete – It could be anything!"

Yep, our enemy had the convenient ability to completely transform into any substance it touched.

Raven placed a hand on her temple, concentrating for a moment before opening her eyes, which looked as confused as the rest of the team. "I'm not able to sense it either."

Oh, and that reminds me that the stupid thing apparently didn't have a mind, either.

"I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but…" Raven sighed. "I wish Beast Boy were here. Maybe he could follow the scent."

"We've just gotta keep looking," I sighed back. We began to walk through the ruined alley, glumly examining our surroundings.

Beast Boy had very personal issues to attend to. For the first time ever, he'd ditched the team in the middle of battle. It was understandable, though, after we found out the person responsible for his attitude: Terra. The former Titan who turned to stone, the girl he was still in love with – the high school student who was suddenly roaming around the city. We were still wondering if he wasn't hallucinating, though.

Starfire walked by my side, her bright green eyes darkened by anxiety. "I am concerned for Beast Boy," she said, voicing all of our thoughts. "Do you think Terra truly has returned?"

My face hardened as I recalled the moment our team stared at the impossible sight, at the back-from-the-dead Slade charging towards us with fireballs shooting from his fingertips. "Anything's possible…"

"But how?" Starfire retorted.

"Maybe she freed herself," I replied, taking a wild guess.

"Or there could've been an earthquake while we were gone," Cyborg added.

"Maybe the effect just wore off…" Raven added, rather dismissively.

"If she is back, why would she not locate us?" Starfire continued, looking at the rest of us almost sadly. It always upset Starfire whenever someone didn't care for friendship, especially if that someone had once been a part of our team. She'd accepted Terra with open arms and was literally repaid with boulders to the face. Even now, though, she was willing to welcome Terra back with no regrets. If only the earth shifter would stop being so complicated for a change…

"The last time we saw her, she wasn't exactly one of the good guys," Raven remarked, her expression darkening. "Maybe she didn't want to be found." She wasn't going to let the boulders in the face slide so easily. In fact, I wasn't sure if Terra would ever earn Raven's trust without a thorough mind scan this time – which, chillingly enough, Raven is fully capable of. It's her personal law not to use this ability on her friends, out of courtesy and respect, but I could tell that Terra was probably far from her friends list after what happened…Well, in all logic, _I _wouldn't feel safe around someone who can secretly plot our deaths without anyone having a clue until Raven gives the OK. (I'll keep that to myself, though)

O/O

Unsurprisingly, we were still following the creature around the next morning with absolutely no progress. It clashed with us in many annoying forms, ranging from wood to aluminum to oil. With our luck, we somehow ended up in a factory, where the creature had all sorts of substances to choose from.

I couldn't explain it, but there was just something about our all-absorbing enemy that really ticked me off. It would sometimes attack us, and other times it would run away. It would take several hits from all of us, and then turn around and blow us a back with a single strike. It was running around the city destroying things with no particular goal. To me, it almost seemed as if the creature was just trying to _annoy_ us. However, the moment I caught a glimpse of its eyes, mechanical and camera-like, a nasty feeling told me that the thing was trying to find out something about us…but what? _What, _dammit? I hated being so clueless about the enemy's motives.

Everyone seemed to pause for a few seconds when the thing decided to turn into molten lava. That was it. "We need Beast Boy," I declared. No one protested.

Beast Boy arrived surprisingly fast, though his expression was uncharacteristically glum. He glanced at the boiling red creature. "Great…"

I couldn't help feeling bad for him, but we were all in too much danger for any comforting words. "Beast Boy!" I yelled. "Fly up to the ceiling and check to see if there're any sprinklers! We have a better chance against that thing if it transforms to wat -"

The creature wrenched one of the lava pots from the ground, flinging it right at my face. The steaming red liquid splattered in all directions, moments away from burning me alive.

"_Robin!" _Starfire screamed from across the room, shooting through the air towards me as fast as she could.

But I'd been too close to the creature when it attacked. I felt death staring me right in the eyes as the molten lava covered the world around me in boiling red. It was physically impossible to for anyone to avoid an attack at this speed and range.

…Anyone except Raven, that is. Defying all the laws of time and space, she materialized out of nowhere before my eyes. It took me a moment to realize that it was her, though, since the first thing I saw was just a pair of huge, glowing black wings that stretched themselves wide, deflecting the shower of lava away from me. The wings faded and took the shape of two slender arms, and the black energy flowed along them before finishing the formation of Raven's body.

I hadn't even registered what just happened before the creature swung its steaming arms wildly towards me yet again.

"_Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" _

The creature slammed hard against the wall all the way across the room, the black energy still crackling throughout its body.

I finally had a chance to take in the sight. Raven glanced back at me, her eyes almost blinding me with their white intensity. Her hands were still outstretched for attack, the dark matter radiating from her fingertips. Wow, I really owed her one. "Thanks, Rav –"

She gave a curt nod before I could even finish, charging through the air towards the creature, which had begun to regain its balance on the ground.

I didn't need to think twice. "Titans, go!"

Beast Boy transformed into a bat, immediately heading towards the showerheads on the ceiling. The rest of us kept the creature occupied, keeping our distance from the lava. Raven and Starfire hovered about its head, landing blows here and there, while Cyborg and I threw crates and any other objects we could find at its feet to keep it off balance.

Our tactic worked, and Beast Boy went unnoticed by the creature when he set off all the showers in the room. Immediately, the red of its skin faded into light blue, then became transparent altogether. "Alright!" I yelled. "Let's give it everything we've got!"

Of course, fighting water is easier said than done, but it still beats lava any day. The creature had trouble landing any blows on us, since its unstable form was continually distorted by our attacks. The water sloshed about as the enemy reached clumsily towards me, and its arm splattered apart before it could get a grip, having been detonated by one of my disc grenades.

As the creature's arm regained its shape, Raven and Starfire remained above its head, landing any blows they could. I pulled out another grenade as it fixed its eyes on me again, positioning its arm as if preparing for a punch.

The creature hadn't been aiming for me at all. Right when its fist was inches away from my face, it suddenly threw both its arms up, seizing both of its real targets into its hands.

Raven and Starfire's cries were muffled as water flowed over their faces. The creature was holding both of them firmly in its fists, the water engulfing their entire bodies. It simply held them like that as they struggled, and its camera-like eyes focused on me.

They were going to drown.

"_Starfire!" _There was just something so horrible about the sight of the Tamaranian thrashing desperately in her water prison, screaming silently as her lungs began to give out.

Without thinking, I launched myself into the air, jumping up a mountain of crates until I was eye-level with the creature. It stumbled as Cyborg continually blasted its body with his cannon and as Beast Boy tackled it in all kinds of forms, but it stubbornly held its grip on the girls.

The very idea of Starfire drowning was too appalling to even think about. With a final leap, I hurled myself towards her, throwing my grenade at the creature's body where its arm connected. The water became loose for a split second as it exploded, allowing me the chance to reach inside.

Starfire coughed and sputtered as I pulled her out, and I jumped back towards the safety of the ground as I carried her. Looking back up, the awful realization suddenly hit me.

Raven.

She was holding the water off on her own pretty well, actually, with her body protected by a field of black. Even so, I could see her hazy figure inside, hovering about as she tried to figure a way out. Her gaze suddenly met mine as I landed on the ground, still carrying Starfire.

Something was wrong.

As I placed Starfire down and joined Cyborg and Beast Boy in their efforts to help Raven, the black force field suddenly began to flicker and fade.

Something was definitely wrong. Raven hadn't teleported away, and her indestructible force field was suddenly…destructible? What was she doing?

I suddenly felt the color drain from my face. Her powers…it couldn't be… "CYBORG! BEAST BOY! We need to get her out of there _now!_"

They honestly didn't need to be told, because anyone could see that Raven was now completely vulnerable in the water, the agony of suffocation twisting her face as her hands waved about feebly.

I tried to jump back up towards the arm again, another grenade ready in my fingers, but the creature hit me back this time with its free hand. The undetonated grenade clattered uselessly across the floor. Cyborg cursed out loud as I crashed against the ground, firing more shots from his arm. Starfire joined in, but her starbolts seemed to dissolve as soon as they hit the water. "Raven!" she cried, the despair starting to take hold of her eyes.

A small green shape suddenly dropped down from the ceiling. A second later, it was a massive green dinosaur, practically cannonballing itself towards the creature. Instead of landing flat on top, however, the T-Rex swung down its huge tail – right at the creature's shoulder.

Beast Boy's wide tail swung straight through the arm, cutting off its connection to the body. The water around Raven finally lost shape, and her limp body followed the shower that rained back down. Beast Boy was quick to react, however, transforming into a pterodactyl and grabbing onto her shoulders with his talons before she could hit the ground.

Resuming his human form, the changeling gently placed Raven down while all of us gathered frantically around her, forgetting the rampaging creature for a moment. He had to help her sit up as she choked and wheezed awfully, spitting out water. Clumsily pushing her soaked violet hair out of her face, she finally opened her eyes with heavy lids. The creature watched us with its mechanical eyes from the distance.

I felt too numb with guilt to even move. I hadn't saved her when I had the chance, and we were almost too late. But it was either her, or…_Why the hell_ did the creature inconveniently choose to capture both Raven and Starfire at the same time? Nothing like this had ever happened before. Why…

"Friend Raven, you are…unharmed?" Starfire knelt down with her, looking worriedly into her eyes.

"I'm…I'll be okay…It's fine…" Raven was still breathing heavily, taking deep breaths between every sentence. Her dull eyes suddenly focused for a moment, narrowing as she lifted a shaky finger into the air.

It took us a few seconds to realize that she was pointing behind us. The creature had somehow found another source of fire, and its body was lit ablaze as it began to approach us again, preparing to attack.

"Titans, go!" My command sounded more like a scowl. Seriously, that substance-absorbing freak was the most annoying enemy by far. As the rest of the team turned around to attack it, however, I stayed behind with Raven, who was still struggling to keep herself up. Offering my hand, I helped her to her feet, but I couldn't bring myself to look into her eyes. "Raven…I'm sorry…for…"

"Don't be." The surety of her tone made me look up again. Even though her voice was still raspy, she managed to crack a small smile. "I should've been able to handle it on my own. It's just…" her eyes grew dark for the briefest moment. "…My stupid powers. I don't know what's going on with them. But you did what you had to. It's not your fault."

Her compassionate words somehow made me feel even worse. "But…"

"_HEADS UP, YOU TWO!" _Cyborg yelled from the distance.

The flaming creature was charging right at us, with the rest of the team trying to catch up. Raven stepped ahead of me, even as she was still struggling to catch her breath. She stretched out a palm. "Azarath…" the black energy began to materialize around her fingers. "Metrion…" The energy grew into its typical, spherical shape, glowing brightly. "Zinthos!"

The energy flickered and died. Raven looked down at her palm as if she could murder it. "_What -" _

I grabbed hold of her before she could finish her sentence, pulling us both of the way a split second before the creature's arm slammed down on the spot we'd just occupied.

Raven didn't seem to notice as we both skidded across the ground, her eyes still glued to her palms. I quickly stood back up, pulling her to her feet as well. "You okay?" I asked.

Her eyes seemed to flash with so many negative emotions at once that I couldn't even describe what they looked like. Frustration, confusion, anger…despair… "Shouldn't be happening." Raven's flat tone startled me.

"Huh?" It took me a moment to realize, with a pang, that she was actually talking to herself – or her powers.

"Should not…be happening…" her voice was low and dangerous as she closed her eyes, seeming to concentrate. "Needs to stop…"

"Um, Raven?" The creature had stopped being distracted by the rest of the team, and it decided to try attacking us again.

I was fully prepared to carry Raven to safety again, but she stubbornly stepped forward once more, stretching out both her palms this time. "Raven, don't!" I yelled, trying to reach towards her.

A loud _crack _filled the air, and I suddenly found myself sprawled across the floor with a sharp pain in my stomach.

Everyone in the room – including the creature – stared at me (I still had no idea why the creature would even care). Raven's eyes grew wide with horror as she looked back at me. Her powers had acted on their own again…and struck the wrong person.

Raven began to grow frantic, her breathing beginning to sound even worse than when she was half-drowned. She tore her face away from me and faced the enemy again, her eyes searing white. "A-Azarath! Met-Metrion!" The energy shot off to her right this time, exploding a nearby barrel. Her face began to grow as white has her eyes. The water she'd been soaked in earlier was still leaking through her hair, dripping down her face…but I began to notice how strangely similar it looked to tears.

"_Stop it!" _Raven screeched to no one in particular, her desperation quickly growing into livid rage. The rest of the team wanted to help her, but even they had to stay back because of her powers' sudden instability. The creature watched her with, if I could say so myself, _curiosity_. Stupid, annoying thing.

In one final attempt, Raven forcefully threw both arms forward, glaring straight at the creature. I'd seen that look before. Her eyes had been glowing red last time. Even though her father's spirit was absent this time…

Her eyes somehow looked even more terrifying without the red.

Raven slowly lifted her arms, making a low sound that resembled a growl. As her hands rose, so did the creature. It was trapped in a sphere of black energy, suspended in the air. The dark field was airtight, and the fire covering the creature's body burned up all the available oxygen in no time, shrinking and flickering away. The enemy was forced back into its original, plain white form.

As I stumbled to my feet, watching the scene almost fearfully, Raven gave a shrill, agonized cry. Blade-like shards of black energy suddenly formed around the force field. One by one, they began to slice straight through the sphere, through the creature struggling helplessly inside. Soon, they moved so fast that all we could see was a blurry mass of black in the air, accompanied by unearthly screams inside.

Raven seemed to decide that the enemy was dead enough for her at some point, and the black energy flickered away. She was breathing heavily, with her hands balled tight into fists at her side. Out of nowhere, however, she suddenly dropped to her knees, her body shaking as she leaned down on her arms.

We were all a little stunned for a moment, but I was the first to regain my composure, although slightly. "Y-you guys go check out the remains over there…go see what that thing was made of…" The rest of the team nodded slowly, heading off towards the obliterated enemy. I knelt down next to Raven.

"I'm sorry, Robin." When she looked back up at me, her desolate eyes shot straight through my heart. "I…I just felt so frustrated because…a-and I don't know why –"

"No, _I'm _sorry." I moved in front of her, placing both hands on her shoulders. "I already knew that you had issues with your powers before, and I should've found a way to help you when that thing almost…" I closed my eyes. "I almost lost a good friend today. I'll never let that happen again."

Raven's eyes were downcast again as she nodded silently. Her expression was pained, and she bit down hard on her lip. It was the kind of expression you'd see from someone when they're trying their hardest not to cry.

Even I couldn't bear it any longer. Without thinking twice, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms tightly around her. "Come on, Raven…" I held her close. "Don't be like that…We can figure out what's going on with your powers. We'll help you. Don't be sad." I'd assumed back then that she was distraught over her powers, so it felt like the best thing to say…In reality, it probably had to do more with the word "friend."

Raven seemed to freeze up for a few seconds before growing accustomed to the feel of my arms. Hesitantly, she brought her own arms up around me. "Thanks, Robin…" Her voice was almost a whisper.

We broke apart as the rest of the team approached us again, and I quickly stood back up, with Raven joining soon after. "Find anything?" I asked casually.

All three of them seemed too scared to talk to me. They nudged each other for a several seconds as I watched with raised eyebrows. Finally, Starfire decided to step forward, her head low. "Robin…we have discovered this among the creature's remains." She held out her hand, which had been hidden behind her back.

It was a core. A mechanical, central core that Cyborg and I were accustomed to working with, in fact. This one, however, had been altered to give the creature its supernatural abilities.

But this core was the worst possible kind on earth. Why? Because a burnt orange circle was displayed boldly on its surface, outlined in black and forming the sharp edges of the letter S.

"_SLADE!" _ I threw the core against the ground as hard as I could. The rest of the team sighed as I sharply turned around and stormed towards the factory exit.

The bastard. I was going to kill him this time. No – I'd break all his limbs first and make him spit out whatever stupid scheme he came up with. What pissed me off even more was that, like always, I had no clue what the scheme even _was_. Or if he even had a scheme.

Well, knowing Slade, of _course_ he had a scheme. I'd just have to find out what it was, and then kill him. Maybe I'd tear off his mask just to see his face as I killed him. Stupid scheme…what the hell was he planning this time?

Ironically, the very heart of his master plan was trailing right behind me as I left, keeping her hood pulled down over her broken eyes.

* * *

><p>Okayyy, I feel like there's one thing I should point out before anyone goes bashing on Robin lol. Yes, I know he basically ditched Raven to save Starfire, and yes that's why her powers went wacko again, but remember the circumstances here! He was NOT being a jerk. Both of the girls were in equal danger, but at this point STARFIRE is the one in his heart. As painful as the choice is, I believe most people would naturally do the same if we had to decide between the life of a good friend and the life of a person they love. No one wants to run into that issue. (but of course, Slade created the situation anyway for his evil plans)<p> 


	6. Umbrella

Wait...my last update was in March? Isn't that like...5 months? FIVE MONTHS? WUT? When did it become that long? D: I mean, I know I had kind of a writer's block and all, but wow! I really dragged it this time. MY APOLOGIES. Heheh.

Anyway, thank you all so much once again for the support. I'm really grateful to those of you who periodically ask me about my updates and who wait so patiently. This chapter explores more of the emotional side of things, sooo there's not much action here. I thought it was about time to start addressing Robin's feelings about Starfire versus Raven...the switch doesn't just happen overnight, ya know!

There're some parts that I felt could be better, but you be the judge! Hope you like this ^^

* * *

><p>Take it metaphorically or literally, but life isn't always sunny. My life in particular was prone to a lot of rain. Storms, even. And people change when it's raining. You can't laugh and enjoy the breeze blowing into the sandy shores of the beach. You can't explore the city with friends. You can't do a lot of things. All you know is that the water is cold, and that you want to get out of it; you just want to see that beautiful sun again.<p>

Starfire's smile...it's like the sun. It appears after the world has been ruined around you by endless black and grey, and it dries away the flood pouring down from the sky. It's the bright, warm light you've missed for so long.

But what can you do while you're waiting for the sun to come back? Everything's still cold. Your clothes and hair are all soaked, trailing rivers of rainwater wherever you walk. You can't see through the heavy sheet of droplets fogging the air. You're trapped.

Then...you remember that you have an umbrella.

Such a simple device it is, the umbrella. You hardly remember it exists, but the moment you pull it out and raise it over your head, the rain suddenly isn't so bad. You can see clearly again, you can walk through the streets just fine, and it's like a whole new world exists. It finally hits you that there're many great things to do in the rain as well; you just needed that handy umbrella.

And then the sun comes back out. You forgot that the umbrella made such a difference, being the small and insignificant device it was. You're so happy to see the light again that you toss the thing back to the corner of your closet and rush outside. There it lies, forgotten in the darkness, simply waiting until the next time it can protect you from the rain. Waiting...like Raven.

No matter how much you forget it, however, the truth is still there. The sun can brighten your life, but there's nothing it can do for you during a downpour, no matter how much it tries. The dark clouds are too thick, and they keep you out of its reach. Only the seemingly small things like the umbrella can help you then – meaning they're not so small after all. But it's up to you to realize it.

For with Raven, the rain can be beautiful. With Raven...there truly is no rain.

Chances are, though, you'll still end up forgetting about the umbrella in the back of that storage closet you never pay attention to.

…

"Mega Monkeys…10?" I raised an eyebrow as my fingers lifted the multicolored and messy wrapping paper out of the way.

"Isn't it _awesome?_" yelled Beast Boy, who'd been eagerly awaiting my reaction. "Do you know how long it took me to save enough money for a _legal _copy?" he added indignantly, upon seeing my slightly skeptical expression.

Cyborg threw a glare in his direction.

"I mean – I worked hard for it, okay?" Beast Boy smiled sheepishly. Cyborg's grudge against Mega Monkeys was incurable after our green friend had nearly ruined his system with a virus from trying to play it illegally. "I didn't screw anything up this time!" continued the changeling. "But trust me, you'll love it. We'll have _so_ much fun playing versus mode, RPG mode, online battles, infinite monkey madness – "

"Are you sure this wasn't a birthday gift for yourself?" Raven cut in dully.

"Tell that to the IGN charts!" Beast Boy replied triumphantly. "The – uh – online game network review website…thing," he quickly explained to a puzzled Starfire. "Critics all agree that Mega Monkeys 10 is the hottest new release. The _hottest,_" he made sure to emphasize as he turned back to Raven (who rolled her eyes).

We were all scattered about the long, curved couch of our living room, amongst colorful streamers, piles of confetti, and balloons of all shapes and sizes strung everywhere. I sat in the middle of it all, trying my best to ignore a strange trickle of red fluid dripping down the back of my neck. It was leaking from the thick and rather slimy crown of raw meat – the traditional Tamaranian Throknar. I didn't have the heart to refuse Starfire's cultural birthday ornament and had placed it boldly atop my head with a _squelch_, much to everyone else's pity.

"You might not see it now, but this game will be the best thing that's ever happened to you!" Beast Boy went on. "Anddd there's a little surprise for you!" he suddenly exclaimed, pointing to the back of the flat, colorful box in my fingers.

I flipped over the metallic faces of the strange warrior monkeys and realized that there was a little card taped to the other side of the case. Peeling it off and peering at the scrawled writing, I read aloud, "Free dishwashing from Beast Boy. Will take over your turn. Good for one month. Use anytime. Not valid when Beast Boy is playing Mega Monkeys." Laughing, I tucked the little slip of cardstock into my pocket. "Wow, this actually helps me a lot, Beast Boy!" The changeling grinned widely. "And thanks for the game. I'm sure it'll help me relax during breaks…I'm going to need all the time I can get in the office, with Slade still out there and all."

There was a heavy pause among the whole team.

"Guys, I'm taking things easy this time. Seriously!" I sighed. They were all just worried I'd lose my head over Slade again, and that was understandable. But it was still annoying how I couldn't even mention him without worrying that they'd throw me into a mental facility.

Cyborg cleared his throat loudly. "Alright y'all, forget about Beast Boy's monkeys. It's _my _turn!" He whipped out a flat rectangular box, wrapped in silver and tied up neatly with blue ribbon.

Beast Boy picked back up the Mega Monkeys game as soon as I'd placed it down, marveling over the cover as if he still hadn't had enough time with it. I leaned over and took Cyborg's gift into my arms. The box was heavier than it looked, yet not too heavy…most likely an electronic. I was blinded from the glare of metallic red as soon as I untied the ribbon and pried open the lid. The reflection of my own face greeted me, blocked partially by a shiny yellow "R" centered inside of a black circle.

"It's the latest, Cyborg-patented, custom-made Titans Laptop!" boomed Cyborg's voice beside me, though I was too busy staring with my mouth open to listen. There had been nothing wrong with my old laptop, but this one just had Cyborg's high-tech, almost godly engineering written all over it. The sleek, rectangular device was the thinnest that I'd ever seen, lined on the sides with streaks of his blue, trademark glowing patterns. I lifted its sheet of paper-thick lid, wondering how any circuits or wires would even even fit into the thing. Knowing Cyborg, though, I was sure it had endless functions hidden inside.

"Of course, it has all the necessities," Cyborg began. "Eye, voice, and fingerprint identification, self-destruct mode, police scanner, local security camera access, chemical analyzer, Titans communicator caller, HD camera, global GPS system…" As he listed each of these things, he reached over and pressed each of the appropriate keys on the laptop to demonstrate. The professional display screens of each function flashed before my eyes as my jaw hung lower and lower. "But of course," he went on with a grin, "I've added some extra special features. And the best one? A PORTABLE WAFFLE IRON!" He brought down his thumb on a gridded and circular button next to the power switch. A horde of folded, mechanical extensions miraculously popped out to the side, arranging themselves into – sure enough – a perfect yet freakishly thin waffle iron. "Don't worry, it's completely sturdy!" Cyborg laughed, watching me poke slightly at the material in disbelief. "Comes with a store of water-free detergent, too – to get rid of all the grease and all. Cleans itself automatically upon retracting!" I jumped when he suddenly pressed the button again, causing the entire iron to lurch and fold itself back into its impossibly small compartment. "Thought you might need a little something for all those times you forget to eat in the office," he finished with a smug smile.

"Cyborg – I…this is…" I closed the lid again, holding up the laptop to examine the symbol of my badge on its cover. "This is…unbelievable! T-thanks so much!" I finally managed to stutter. "Waffles, too? You've really outdone yourself – this is just great!"

"Most glorious!" Starfire agreed, leaning closer and peering curiously at her hazy red reflection on the lid.

"You had me at the waffles," even Raven commented from her corner of the couch.

"Dude…you never gave _me_ anything like this for my birthday," muttered Beast Boy.

"That's 'cause you probably would've crashed its system with a nasty virus," Cyborg replied with a dirty look.

"Heheh…" Beast Boy went back to examining the Mega Monkeys game cover.

Starfire spoke up, smiling brightly. "My friends, it is now my turn to present to Robin the gift of the birthday!"

We all looked curiously in her direction, mostly to see what kind of interesting contraption she would pull out this time. My face went a little red as she smiled at me. I knew that she'd put extra thought into this gift, and I promised myself to love anything she could possibly give me, no matter how bizarre it could be.

To our surprise, the Tamaranian pulled out a plain, pink envelope from behind her back. She stood up from the couch and made her way in front of me. Her fingers fiddled embarrassedly with a colorful card as they gently pulled it from the envelope. I looked up at her as she cleared her throat, ignoring the slimy Throknar threatening to slide down over my eyes. "Dear Robin," she read, glancing affectionately at me. "I had so much trouble deciding what to get you for one of the most special days of your life. This day means more to me than you'll ever know, and I feel like no gift is enough to express the joy it brings me."

The rest of us stared bewilderedly at one another as she continued. Starfire speaking without mixing up words sounded almost like a foreign language.

"You see, it's friends like you that made me realize what a wonderful place Earth can be, and friends like you who make me feel at home here. Your kindness and patience with me has made such a difference in my life, and I've lost count of how many valuable things you've taught me." She blushed as Cyborg and Beast Boy began smiling slyly at me, both of them giving me raised eyebrows. I grumpily ignored them, though my face was growing warmer every second. "Every day, Robin, you give me the gift of feeling welcome here, and you brought us all together with the gift of friendship. That's the greatest gift anyone can give. How can any birthday present of mine compare?" I began to scratch awkwardly at the back of my head as I smiled sheepishly, though my fingers ended up hitting the slab of raw meat still sitting there. "So I just want you to know," Starfire continued, beaming, "that the day of your birth is both a blessing for you and for me, who is forever grateful to have met you. Thank you so much for everything, and I hope you have the most glorious of birthdays." She hesitated. "L-love, Starfire…"

"OHHHHHH!" Cyborg whistled as my face went red. "Wow Starfire, that was poetry right there! How long did it take for you to write all that?" He and Beastboy shared the same evil grin, just as before, though Raven was strangely silent.

"I…I sought assistance from a knowledgeable girl of the high school," Starfire explained. "She believed it best to express my feelings in such a manner, as well as how to write the signing off of the card." She looked away as she rubbed her elbow, still clutching the little card in her fingers. "I wanted to present Robin a card of the highest accuracy – one that reflected popping culture and with appropriate words of the slang."

"You did great, Starfire." I stood up to join her as I gazed into her bright green eyes, though the Throknar partially obscured my vision. "This is one of the sweetest gifts I've ever gotten. Thank you." Our fingers brushed for a little too long as I took the card into my hands. Starfire beamed at me as I carefully straightened back out its edges, which she'd bent slightly while reading.

"My gift is still cooler!" Beast Boy piped in, holding up his game indignantly. "You can't defeat the evil Gorillzilla with a card!"

"Actually…there is more to the gift than my writing," said Starfire, smiling brighter than ever. "You have not seen the entirety of its contents, Robin."

I looked back at her for a moment in surprise before opening back up the card. "A gift card…to Jump City's Extreme Fitness Equipment Center. For…_ten thousand?" _

Starfire nodded, giggling a little. The entire team stared at her.

Anything from the Extreme Fitness center probably cost no less, and Starfire knew that I'd been saving to get my hands on some of the top-quality workout equipment it offered. She also knew that I preferred not to touch our team's central funds, used for things like tower security, weapons, and T-ship accessories. But still! "Starfire…you didn't have to get me this much...I mean…"

"I was told that the best gift is one that you have the ability to purchase yourself," explained the Tamaranian, "and I have been saving for a long time, like Beast Boy. The girl of the high school told me that males of Earth appreciate currency, so I desired to give you currency of the greatest value! You are fond of the Extreme Fitness, are you not?"

"I…yes, I am," I stammered back. "B-but…this is a lot, and…" The worry had already begun to creep over her face, the horrible fear of giving me the wrong gift. It was obvious that she would never hold any regrets about the gift card…even if it was a painfully high amount. "This is amazing," I finally finished, smiling again. It always amazed me how far she would go for me. I'd have to think of something when her birthday came around…

Starfire gave me one of her bone-crushing hugs as the rest of the team slowly recovered from the shock of the gift card. Then again, I reminded myself, Cyborg's crazy laptop probably would've added up to the same amount. And even though Beast Boy tended to be bad at saving money, he'd been willing to give up the video game of his dreams just for me. My friends were just too much…

"Um…" Raven spoke up very quietly. "I…you know…also kind of have a gift for Robin…"

We all looked back at her with a jolt. Beast Boy's eyes popped out of its sockets. "But you hate birthdays!" he exclaimed.

"I hated _my_ birthday, Beast Boy," Raven muttered back. "But it's not like I don't think people should get gifts…or something…"

"Oh yeah? What about the time you forgot to give _me_ a birthday present?"

"Stop whining, BB," Cyborg laughed. "No one wants to give someone birthday presents that they know he'll break."

"_Hey! _I'm telling you, it was Silkie who knocked over the –"

"Guys, let her talk!" I cut in, motioning at Raven to come over. She suddenly seemed very interested in the ground as she slowly made her way towards me, and she still looked down as she pulled out a little package from inside her cloak. It was a simple cardboard box, wrapped in plain, navy-colored paper with no ribbon – though everything had been taped in place with utmost care.

The box was no bigger than my palm as I took it from her hand, which she immediately withdrew back beneath her cloak. All of us were strangely silent as I carefully undid the wrapping and looked inside.

It was familiar, yet unfamiliar. A flat, perfectly circular disc, textured for a firm grip and sized conveniently for any pocket. This one, however, was black instead of silver like my other ones, with a dark blue ring lining its edge. Raven didn't say a word as I examined it curiously, her violet eyes still staring away.

Beast Boy was the first to speak again. "You gave him…something to blow up people?"

"Most intriguing design!" Starfire added supportively, seeing how Raven looked ready to hide.

"I didn't know you knew how to engineer those things!" Cyborg joined in, giving Beast Boy a sharp kick. "Seems you've learned a little somethin' from me, eh? Very nice!"

"Raven…" I began, smiling. She finally looked back up at me. "This is the coolest grenade I've ever seen. Thanks! Want to tell me about it? I'd hate to waste it by accident." I was just as puzzled as the rest of the team, but a gift was a gift, and no one would leave here without my appreciation for their thoughtfulness.

"It's…for emergency purposes," Raven tried to explain, though the team's staring eyes made her very uncomfortable. "I thought that every once in a while…when things get really bad…it could help you. It's a lot more powerful and dangerous than your other ones, so you probably shouldn't use it unless…yeah. Emergency."

"What does it do exactly?" asked Beast Boy. "All grenades explode…so…" Cyborg glared at him again. "I mean, it's cool and all, but you basically gave Robin a grenade with…a bigger explosion?"

"Not exactly…" Raven replied. "But it's complicated. Well – I wanted to give him something simple and practical," she continued, straining to keep her tone detached. "He uses weapons a lot, so I thought I'd just add another one. It'll be useful, anyway, if he ever needs it. Besides, it's his birthday. I'm not going to be the _only_ one who didn't show up with something. I did my part."

Beast Boy still eyed her curiously, though he soon shrugged it off. "Well, the more gifts, the merrier!" he finished cheerily. "Anddd for my next birthday, be sure to drop off the moped outside my door, Raven. It's _very _practical, so –"

"You already ruined your last one," I laughed, pocketing Raven's gift separately from all the other disc grenades. "Raven, I really appreciate all the work you put into this." She smiled faintly at me before turning back around to sit on the couch. "Anyway, I'm grateful for everything you guys did for me today. You're the best friends anyone could have."

Cyborg had been waiting for the gift giving to end. "Alright, who wants cake and ice cream?" he yelled. All of us immediately huddled around him as he pulled out his famous eight-layer cake, its candles high above our heads.

"I can't wait to try out everything!" I remarked as I sat before towering mass of icing. Grinning at Beast Boy, I added, "I think I'll give Mega Monkeys a try after this – on my new laptop!" I heard Cyborg's voice yell out "_Oh yeah!" _from somewhere inside the kitchen. "Then afterwards we can all visit the Extreme Fitness Center, now that I can actually afford it." Starfire giggled. "And..." I suddenly realized that I had nothing to say when I turned to Raven, who was watching me quietly. Her violet eyes soon turned away again when the silence only stretched on. "Well – the next time we fight, whoever pushes me far enough is going to get it bad, that's for sure!" I laughed nervously. What else could I say about a special grenade?

"Yeah, leave it to Raven to give you things that kill people," Beast Boy teased. The rest of the team started to chuckle along, but we suddenly paused when Raven stood up abruptly and began to pace away. "I said something wrong, didn't I?" Beast Boy slapped his face.

Raven stopped right before she reached the doors to the hallway. "No, I just remembered that I have something to do. Forgot about it until now." Her back was still turned.

"You don't even want any ice cream?" Cyborg called from the kitchen.

"No."

Beast Boy, as usual, didn't give up. "Come on, Raven, I'm sorry for…whatever I said wrong! Just stay a little and -"

"Parties are pointless, anyway. I have to go."

We all went silent as the doors slid shut behind her. Sighing, I slowly stood up. "I'll be back in a second, guys." I finally lifted the Throknar off my head, placing it onto the table with a little shudder as I felt the cold air conditioning on my dampened hair.

I found her still standing in the hallway. She'd stopped as soon as she left our sight. "Raven…" I began. "What's bothering you?" I hadn't seen her like this since the day Slade had returned to remind her of her destiny to destroy the world. Which was weird, considering it was _my_ birthday this time…

"You're not going to believe me if I say 'nothing', are you?"

I smiled a little, watching the back of her lavender hair. "I'm afraid not."

"Well…don't worry about it. It's nothing personal," she replied, turning around with a dull expression. "I just didn't want to tell everyone that I needed to meditate some more. You know, with my powers…"

"Oh." I knew that she didn't like to show her instability to the team, but there was still something else going on… "That's perfectly understandable. You need to do what you need to do." She nodded and began to turn around. "But I hope you're not upset over the gift," I added boldly. It was a wild guess, but I couldn't think of anything else. "I really do appreciate it, and it was really thoughtful of you."

Raven went a little still. "I know you do," she said softly. "But…I just couldn't explain the whole thing while I was out there – I'm just…"

I approached her slowly until I could see her eyes clearly. They seemed embarrassed – but in a dejected way. Ashamed. "What is it, Raven?" I asked gently, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"It just…makes me look so pathetic…" she murmured, looking away.

I was taken aback. "_What? _No, your gift is just as great as the others! Really! I'm sorry if I didn't show it, but I don't want you to feel like –"

"That's not what I mean," Raven interrupted, looking down at the ground. "When I said that the grenade has special properties…it's more than a powerful explosion." I listened patiently as she paused for a moment, though she seemed reassured by my hand still resting her shoulder. "I…I placed some of my power inside of it."

My other hand felt unconsciously at the new grenade in my pocket. "Wow – I don't know what to say," I finally admitted, breaking the silence. "That's perfect for emergencies, all right, but…what for?"

"Robin…I don't know when I might lose control of my powers again," Raven sighed. "Whatever I transferred to the grenade won't react if you throw it at any regular enemy, though the explosion's probably still powerful enough to wipe them out. But the powers inside will activate if…if I ever hurt you."

My eyes widened, both from the shock and horror at what she'd just implied. "Raven…"

"I can't risk that happening, Robin," she continued. "I need to protect my friends…even from myself. None of you know the horrible things I can do if I lose control completely. So…your gift, if you ever have use it…it'll save your life." She suddenly turned sharply away, causing my hand to slip from her shoulder. "How was I supposed to tell everyone that out there? Look what I'm starting to become, losing grip of my own powers. It's just…pathetic…" Her shoulders shook slightly.

The weight of the world seemed to hang above us. "Raven…" I began from behind her. "Raven, I'm going to promise you right now that I'll _never _have to use this grenade. You're the strongest person I've ever met, and I know you would never hurt us. Don't ever doubt yourself again. If you need anything, we'll always be there for you. We'll get through it every time, like always."

After several more comforting words, I somehow managed to return confidently to the living room with Raven by my side. And though she still claimed that she needed to meditate, she had a good helping of ice cream, waffles, and eight-layer cake. It was a pretty sweet birthday party.

As for the grenade? I'd spoken my heart when I told her it would never have to be used. So it lay there in the back corner of my pocket, separate from the rest of the weapons. As time passed, my thoughts rarely drifted towards it, but it was always there. Waiting…like the umbrella.

Like Raven.

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><p>AN: I'm going to try my hardest not to make the next chapter in five months, lol.


	7. Idiots

Hey guys! I must apologize in advance because this chapter is quite short. BUT...it's a blast to the present! (Gasp) Just something random I thought of that I typed up really quick during class. I really wish I could update more or get moving with the actual "past" plot, but for now this may better explain what happened to Raven later on ;) Since I wrote it on a whim though I'm not sure if it turned out as well as the others.

But oh well! Hope you like this snippet. Also note how "present" chapters also change their tense. Yep! Thanks so much for the support as always.

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><p>Lights are still flickering in and out of my vision, and with each one seems to flash another memory of the girl who once existed. The faint images of her of her warm, amethyst eyes hardly show any resemblance to the cold, blinding white pupils staring down at me now. No signs of hesitation. And most definitely no signs of love.<p>

_Is this how you felt, Raven? _I want to ask her. It's hopeless, though, since her black boot is still pinning my neck to the ground just enough not to break it. Even so, it's amazing how many last thoughts your mind can conjure up within seconds of death – which I can already feel approaching even before she finishes uttering her spell.

_Did it hurt this much, Raven?_

The fingers of my right hand are losing feeling around a small, textured disc. Once upon a time, someone warm and caring, someone who would've given everything for me, had put it together. I've been holding onto it since the beginning of this battle, before the Teen Titans fell at her hands. And we're all going to die.

Because…I still can't use it.

At last, the muscles in my hand become numb enough so that I can't even press into the grenade if I wanted to. It's against all logic, and completely opposite of what any good leader should do. I know that on a regular day, I would've declared that whether the enemy was a former Titan or not, the team needed to be the priority. Especially if they were dying. I can even hear Raven – if Slade hadn't destroyed everything that made her Raven – telling me to have some common sense. '_Don't you remember how pathetic we were when we hesitated around Terra?' _she'd say. _'Terra wasn't hesitating when she wrecked the whole city. And we're to blame. One lousy person isn't worth an entire population of innocents.' _

But what if you're in love with that one, lousy person?

Well, not that it matters at this point. My head's feeling kind of fuzzy…at least the blurred image of her face kind of resembles how she used to look like…in a way, she's the last thing I'll ever see…not too bad of a death, actually… My fingers loosen as they fall away from the edges of the grenade.

Her voice still drifts from one of my distant memories. _'But at the same time, stupid emotions like love can make you stupid, too. Whole countries fall because of one person, since anyone in love can be the biggest idiot in the world…' _We were laughing then, when she told me that. Hiding her inner torment so perfectly like always. I feel myself smile even as I hear her incantation in the crushing reality.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos."

…Yep, I'm an idiot. The grenade rests forever-intact in my palm.

It's weird how her voice seems to be growing softer, like how it used to be. I must have died already, if I think her cold, demented voice of the present actually sounds gentle. Especially since I see nothing but blinding white filling my vision.

Suddenly, I breathe. I'm choking, gasping for air – but I can breathe. The boot has loosened its grip against my neck. My hearing becomes sharper and not so much of a hollow ring.

It's the incantation that I heard. She'd slowed it down at the last minute, and the white light is the spell that she'd inexplicably held back. I hear another voice - deep, vile, and all-too-familiar. "Finish it!" he demands, probably from some hidden corner where he commands her like a puppet.

I look back up and meet her eyes. _Her eyes. _The brilliant shades of violet and amethyst, glistening beneath her shadowy hood. It brings a flood of emotions that surges through my body, but shock strangely overpowers the rest.

It's Raven, but she's barely there. Something has pulled her back temporarily, just enough to make her disoriented about her surroundings. "That?" She points unsteadily in the general direction of my right hand, where the grenade lies in plain view. "What's…that?"

My chest feels impaled, even though I haven't seen her in what feels like years. Just hearing her distorted, crackly voice questioning her own gift makes me certain that I'll break Slade's neck myself the next time I get the chance.

I'm wheezing as I answer, but I force a smile as I look up into her contorted face. Now that I'm conscious again, I can finally recall the rest of that little conversation about love and idiots. But right before I can reply, Raven's eyes glaze over in the petrifying way they've done since the start of her apprenticeship. Her arm extends, crackling with black energy that sears like lightning, and suddenly I'm staring Death in the eye once again.

_You can never stop being an idiot once love hits you. It'll always be there. But that's okay. Because the world prefers the idiots. _I was supposed to recite her when I replied.


End file.
